Army Daze - Ep 1

Hmmm, as I end one phase of my life, maybe the time is ripe for a reflection.

( Actually, I'm waiting for my parents to buy dinner and as I'm hungry, I need something to distract myself )





I remember stepping into BMTC and handing my IC over to some guy from mindef. The moment I did that, it felt like a part of me was taken away. It seemed that I was less of a person and that somehow, my life didn't belong to me anymore. I was right; it didn't. The moment I gave up my IC, this CSM from dunno where suddenly started barking at us. Yup, barking. With a snarl that would have made a pitbull proud.



"TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT! GET INTO TWO STRAIGHT LINES!"



Obviously he does not care about the fact that you cannot tuck in your shirt as tucking your shirt involves putting your shirt-tails into your pants. As such, I don't understand how much more "in" you have to go if your shirt is already tucked.(Courtesy of Mr Vincent Devadason, who taught me this at the age of 13)

Well, as those of you who remember what I looked like then will know, I was obviously over-weight. However, not many of you may know this. I was originally termed 'mild-obese' during my medical and posted to Gryphon Company. To my great distress, I was weighed again on the day of my enlistment and I tipped the scales at a hefty 90 kilos, which put me into the 'moderate obese' range. I was promptly transferred to Dragon Company. Thankfully, I was not alone in that respect as a good 60+ of us were transferred that day. At least I was not in the select few who were transferred to Eagle Company where the true heavyweight champions of Tekong resided(The fat can only make fun of the fatter). Imagine their distress upon finding out that just like that, their BMT would became a 6 month stint instead of 15 weeks.

Anyway, I had been told by all my relatives to keep a low profile in the army(who are they trying to kid?) but with a family name like Fernandez, its really quite difficult. I mean imagine the roll call on the 1st day...

" Ang! "
" Yes Encik! "

" Cai! "
" Yes Encik! "

" Chan! "
" Yes Encik! "

" Chen! "
" Yes Encik! "

" Faizal! "
" Yes Encik! "

" Fang! "
" Yes Encik! "

" Fernandez? "

Right on cue, everybody turns around to look for this exotic specimen of a human. People start asking each other, " Eh, our platoon got ang moh meh? " They try to find the blue eyed blondie who's maybe lost in the sea of bodies. The slightly more informed ones try looking for a Hispanic dude who can go for reggae-tons with them.

" Yes Encik!" A very local voice calls out.

All eyes fall on me. The very words "low-profile" get thrown out the window.

Pray, do tell, how then can I be low profile? I can't even use my first name as there are 3 Jeremys in my platoon. It was the first day of NS and everybody knew my name. Crap.

Thus started my life as a pseudo soldier and I was in for a culture shock. I learnt that you could understand 'fuck you'. I learnt that its possible to put an explosive device 10cm away from your 'fruit and vegetable' and not walk as if you had a durian up your arse. I learnt that its never ok when your sarge says never mind. I learnt that its a positively orgasmic experience to bomb 5 days worth of 'bombs' even if a swarm of flies were holding an AGM at your rear end and mozzies were trying to suck your dick and most of all, I learnt how full of shit Rambo really is.

On hindsight, I must say that I've truly truly been blessed during my BMT. First of all, my OC was a warrant officer who was nearing the end of his career. His leadership philosophy was, "You come here in one piece, you leave here in one piece." As such, my BMT was really slack. We only ever did the bare minimum and any extra physical training was purely optional. Our welfare was absurdly fantastic and we could even have movie marathons on certain days. Despite this however, I managed to lose an amazing 20 kilos and I could actually jog continuously for 2.4km.(my original timing was 18mins!) I must say that God really made my transition an easy one and I really thank him for that. Oh well, this is just part one of my reflection and if you're interested, there's at least 2-3 more parts coming up.




This reflection is dedicated to Platoon 1, Dragon Coy and esp to Sect 4.
Inclusive of these colourful characters

Andrew Leong, platoon best and proof that age is not a barrier.
Kirpal 'Sunny' Singh, comedienne and 'spoofer' extraordinaire.
Ghazalli, Sunny's partner in crime.
Najib, proof that the biggest noises does not necessarily come n the biggest packages.
Chew Bang, from fat to fit. Best PT. Ran his 2.4 in 10:15 which is bloody fast for a fat guy.
'Wild Boar' Wei Liang, the only guy to lose only 4 kg when everyone else was in double figures.
Sgt Fauzi, chili padi; small but spicy.
'Muscle Man' Zi Wei, overweight with pure muscle. Really.
Eugene 'Michelin Man', redefines curvy.
Choke 'Barracuda', the ugliest son of a gun. His name really is Choke.
2wo Steven, whose solution to every problem is a shake of the head and a " Report sick la"