Testifying to Love

If there is one thing that I am sure of in my life, it’s the fact that God has blessed me abundantly. Till this day, I remain awed at the impact He has made in my life. To fully grasp the sheer magnitude of His awesome grace, you have to know the type of person I was before.

Looking back at how I was as a teenager, I’m amazed that my parents managed to put up with me. At the age of 14 and 15, I was smoking, drinking and a frequent gambler. I was also a violent and aggressive person who got into a number of fights in and out of school. This aggressive and violent streak also found its way back home where I got into frequent fights and arguments with my mother. I hated God and everything related to Him. For that matter, I probably even hated myself at that time. I felt alone in the world and did not see any purpose of my existence. I was also failing my studies in school and was perpetually in detention. When I attended mass, it was only due to the fact that my parents coerced me to. God however, had plans for me and He truly works in mysterious ways. You never know when he will send someone to change your life. Conversely, you will never know how God can make use of the little you do to bring someone closer to Him.

I met a girl online when I was 15. I was never in the habit of meeting people on the internet but for some reason, I continued talking to her. One day, she mentioned that there was a Youth in the Spirit Seminar (YISS) organized by the Youth Praise Ministry (now called Amplified) and she invited me to attend it. I had heard about it from school as I was from a Catholic school and had heard that there would be many girls there. As such, I agreed to go as I wanted to meet girls and maybe get a girlfriend, or two. Little did I expect that God would touch me deeply and that for the first time, I felt like I mattered to God. I was moved to tears that God could care for someone who hated Him and cursed His name. I was humbled by the fact that despite me being a great sinner, he enfolded me with his loving arms and later blessed me by giving me the gift of the Holy Spirit dwelling in me. In addition, He also led me to friends there who were from our parishes Charismatic Prayer Group and they brought me to Christ The King. It was in the Charismatic group where I met people, both adults and youth who would journey with me for many years, guiding me, scolding and lecturing me when needed and loving me for who I was. I slowly let go of my old friends and some of my old habits with them. This is not to say that I became an angel overnight, but it was a start to a long and difficult conversion journey.

Besides bringing me back to God, the YISS also brought something significant in my life. It introduced me to Praise and Worship and I felt an instant connection to it. I have always loved music and in worship, it felt as if my prayer was magnified. It’s not just a sing-a-long when you truly worship. I was drawn to it and it manifested in me a greater love for music and singing. It is when I’m singing praises to God that I feel a sense of great joy and love. It led me to join the worship team in Charismatic as a vocalist and 6 months later, I joined St. Dominic’s Choir as well. It was indeed amazing to those who knew me before my change of heart that I had went from a God-hater to serving in dual ministries in church, all in a span of 6 months.


A few years later, God chose to bless me in yet another way. When I was 18, I started having an interest in playing music. I have never had a single music lesson in my life then but for some reason, I was drawn to it. I started to pick up keyboard playing when a friend showed me the basics. Once I started, my thirst for more was insatiable. Before long, I was asking and learning about things like chords and keys. I started being able to play a few P&W songs, albeit not very well. At that time it was still a hobby and a fun pastime to me. Soon however, I began to feel called to playing. I did not want to do anything about it though as I felt that I was not good enough and unworthy to play. I was still not living a good Christian life and felt that someone like myself could never play for church. Once again, God had other plans for me. At a Charismatic retreat, we were praying for intentions and there God touched me again and impressed upon me that I was not unworthy and though I was a sinner, He loved me no less than anybody else. He also impressed upon me that any music I played would be beautiful in His ears. With that, I decided to start playing music for God and it has been a truly amazing and miraculous journey. My playing started to improve rapidly right after the retreat and soon, I was playing hymns for weekday mass. God also paved a way for me in Charismatic when the musician then who was a professional in the music industry had to take a break due to work and family commitments. Playing for both Mass and Charismatic, I started to garner experience quickly. God also helped me develop by providing me with a lot of exposure as I was asked to provide music for the Sec. 4 confirmation camp in 2005. Subsequently, I was also asked to play for other camps and retreats, as well as events in and out of church. I had to honour and opportunity to work with very talented musicians like Terrence Teo, Melvin Cher, Martin Yeo and Lyonel Tan. I was able to learn a lot from them and by playing with them, my playing also developed. Looking back, it is hard to believe that anyone would enlist the help of someone who has been playing music for only a year and I remain convinced that it was part of God’s plan for me.

This year, as I was finishing my National Service, I was trying to decide what to study and I asked my friends to pray for me that God would give me a direction. After much prayer, God revealed to me that He would lead me further using music. As such, I decided to try enrolling in NAFA under a MOE scholarship. At first, it did not seem that the audition was going well. I could not read notes and my classical piano technique was nowhere near the required standard. I did not know anything about theory and I had to have a 3 day crash course before the entrance test. However, I decided to leave it to God that it would be His will being fulfilled and not mine. Indeed, when God promises something, he always delivers and in the end, against all odds, I was accepted into NAFA. Instead of having to pay my school fees, MOE covers everything and even provided me with an allowance. This just goes to show that in God, nothing is impossible. If we but open our hearts to Him and trust him, He will bless us abundantly. That is why I’ve spent a considerable amount of time giving my music back to God in His service. After all, without Him, I wouldn’t even be able to have such a fulfilling passion.

If anyone doubts the power of God in one’s life, I can only say this. God’s ways are not those of the world. Though it goes against our human nature and all logic, we must let go of our lives and place it in God’s hands. Though it may frighten us to do so, or fill us with anxiety, trust wholly in Him and He will not abandon you. That is something that I can testify to, without a doubt.